Goodnight, Sweet Prince

Well, this weekend we finally laid our sweet cat Peanut to rest. Back in March he started eating a lot less, lost a lot of weight, & just wanted to sleep all the time. The vet diagnosed him with Feline CRF (kitty kidney failure), & guessed it would only be a couple months. We decided to keep him going with medical treatments, & instead he held out for six months. However, he was in many ways a really different cat after we started all the shots & treatments. I'm not sure I would do it again.

My husband, who can soldier on through the most hellatious pain, was a complete wreck when it came to our little 7-pound cat being sick. He just couldn't bear to deal with it. So, I went by myself yesterday with Peanut to the vet. I held him and talked to him while the vet administered a pair of shots. He gave some final purrs waiting for the anesthesia to kick in, & a few minutes later he was gone. The vet said Peanut was happy we were letting him go.
I've heard of people seeing visions of the soul leaving the body, but have never seen it myself. This I have witnessed though--whatever life is that inhabits the body, whatever pulse, electricity or quickening it is--as soon as the body dies, it is GONE. Within moments you can feel it turn from something alive to an inanimate object. Being there with him, holding his small furry body when his heart stopped, it was overwhelmingly clear that his sweet and calm presence was still just as strong. For me, it reminds me that our bodies are just temporary vessels, meant to be used gently and laid aside when no longer needed. Ever taken off a pair of wet & muddy garden clogs, when you're ready to go into the house after a long day working outside? Kind of like that.

Alan and Bradley buried Peanut under the mulberry tree in our backyard, in a sunny spot where he liked to sit, play with the bunnies & watch birds fly overhead. I adopted a couple special needs cats from Best Friends (Layla and Thumper), as a memorial. My heart is sore and we are sad with missing him, but I know he was ready to go & it was long overdue. I'm reminded of Horatio's lines at the end of Hamlet:

Now cracks a noble heart.
Goodnight, sweet Prince.
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.



My profound thanks to Tanya's Feline CRF website and the Feline CRF info group for their support, advice and kindness, & to Cynthia Rylant for her sweet book, Cat Heaven. She also painted these wonderful illustrations.

PS. I went out to the Mulberry tree to check on him this morning. It was cool and damp, and still golden with the sun coming up. A flock of Canadian geese flew right overhead, honking as loudly as a ten-gun salute. A beautiful moment.