new Alli Treatment Effects

I've been hearing a lot this last week about the over the counter debut of "Alli", the newest FDA-approved weight loss aid. In case you haven't heard, this is a fat-binder similar to Orlistat that keeps fat from being absorbed through the colon. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, the really interesting part is the side effects, or as they so delicately call it, "treatment effects". Here are some actual excerpts from the official website. It starts off w/the short list:

"You may get:

• gas with oily spotting
• loose stools
• more frequent stools that may be hard to control..."

Okay, that's funny but doesn't sound terrible. Keep reading down the page though, & it gets better:
"...pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect. Make the timing work for you. If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over."

So in other words, be scared to leave the house until you see how it affects you, right? Is this like not operating heavy machinery? But there's more:

"You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens"

Okay, i'm starting to worry now. Passing gas is apparently so volatile that it requires retreating to the bathroom first. Should we stay away from midgets & small children too? But this is the best one of all:

"You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work."

At this point I absolutely start HOWLING with laughter. Did that say you should wear dark pants? Carry a change of clothes? You mean in case you crap your pants? Okay, I get it now. Treatment effects means "you may crap your pants several times a day." That's the first medication i've ever seen carry THAT warning. Probably the way this drug works is by making people AFRAID to eat anything fattening. All I have to say is, there's gotta be a better way to lose weight! And how is this walking around in dark-colored pants with an adult diaper & change of clothes in mortal fear of soiling oneself easier than just cutting back on the french fries?

I'm going to be laughing about this for a week! :)